Dear Mama.

I miss you so much. Things at home haven't been good since you left us. I wish I still had you to talk to about all the drama happening. But then again if you were still here, then there wouldn't be drama.
I wore my breast cancer bracelet today that you got me last year at the race for the cure. It says "Imagine a life without breast cancer..." that thought never really crossed my mind until now. But now that i think about it, a life like that would be amazing, cause you would still be here. I promise you mama that I will become an Oncologist and cure people of the awful sickness that took you away from me and sissy.

                                                                     Love and Miss you,
                                                                                   BooBoo

Come Back Summer!

So today is the first of August, and living in southern Indiana means that I go back to school in ten days. A lot has happened this summer and last school year as you can see from past post. I really just want to forget about it all, move on from the past. But then I think to myself that if it wasn't for the past I wouldn't be who I am today. I'm going to be a sophomore in high school, but I have grown up so much in the past year that I feel like I should be turning thirty tomorrow. I miss being a little kid, not being able to go to sleep the night before my first day of third grade. Waking up to my mom telling me the bus is coming in a hour and asking what I want for breakfast. Those days are long gone sadly, and now I'm being lectured by my older sister about what she thinks is best for me. I really just want to tell her she isn't my mom, this is my life and body, so get over it.

Can we please move past all this?

So while being away from home for the past 2 weeks I realized just how crazy my home life is. And of course there was more drama, that I am not a part of thankfully. But I'm sure I will still here about what happened. I wish I was already like 28 cause then I would hopefully be close to graduating from Med school and living on my own only having to deal with my life. It's kind of funny, but sometimes with my dad I feel more like the parent and he is the teenager acting up. I really just wish that this drama would disappear and we could all go back to the way it was, but I guess that would be to easy and nothing in life is ever easy.

Seriously...?

Wow... right when I think things are starting to look better, something happens. Well, crap. Does anything good ever come out of life? I really just wish someone amazing would come into my life and give me a reason to live. A reason to be happy, someone I can trust, love and be loved back. But we all know that there is hardly anyone out there to fit that criteria. 

Time Flies, Seriously.

So I realized today that it was July, which means October is only 3 months away... In 3 months I will be 16, in 3 months it will be a year since my mom past away. That's nuts. I just can't believe its already been that long.

I Just Don't Know...

It's been over 8 months since my mom past away, it seems like just yesterday I was running away from her ICU room hearing the 3rd code blue announcement on the intercom. I feel so numb.. it's like after that what could hurt me, the only reason I think I am still here on this Earth today is to grow up living this messed up life. I made a life changing decision in the past month I now hope to become an oncologist, cancer doctor, to cure others of what stole my best friend. I am a Christian and I believe God has a plan for everyone and we think we make our own decisions but really it's either him or the devil putting the ideas in our heads. So God will pull me to whatever he wants me to do with my life. This past week has been a pretty dramatic/emotional week. What was going to be a great vacation to Panama City Beach turned out to be a nightmare. I won't go into much detail, but it ended with me having no respect for my father, and him kicking my sister (19) and her boyfriend (21) out of the house. I have said it multiple times and I will say it again, I wish it was my dad who past away and my mom stayed here with me. I was so much closer to my mom then my dad and by the looks of things its going to stay that way. I just wish something in my life would go right, would turn out okay, and make me happy. I feel like I'm living in some drama/comedy/depressing movie... I feel like running away from it all but I know thats never the answer to things, darn logic.

66 Days

God is not human, that he should lie,
not a human being, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?

Numbers 23:19

A week or so before my mom passed, she sent an email to a friend. Saying how the song "Whatever Your Doing" by Sanctus Real related to what was going on in her life. All she wanted and prayed for was for the pain to stop, and to be healed. I believe that in a way thats what God did. He knew the only way to completely heal her was to bring her home to him. I'm jealous of God at the moment because he gets to spend everyday with her and I no longer have the joy and love I use to get from talking to her. I know though that whenever God decides to bring me home, I will get to be with her for eternity. God promised that whoever believed in him shall not parish but live forever in his kingdom, and he keeps his promises.

Follow this link if you would like to hear "Whatever Your Doing" by Sanctus Real (it's a really good song!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN9J8eqKovY