Holidays...

So this past weekend was the first holiday with out her... I thought it was going to be really bad, but it turned out to be better then expected. We still did everything like normal, nothing changed just because one of the most important person in my life isn't here anymore. It was actually one of the funnest times since she passed. A lot of people don't like Black Friday, but I like Black Friday more than Thanksgiving. I love food and all but shopping is so much fun. And all the madness and the adrenaline rush, its just so much excitement! I really can't tell what my life holds for me right now, but I do feel like I'm on an upward path.

24 Days

About 24 days ago, my mother passed away. I'm only 15, to young to loose my best friend, role model, and mom. I always thought to myself, bad things won't happen to me. I heard about all these people going through hard times, I would pray for them, then never give it another thought. Then my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer for the 2nd time. I was upset, but thought, hey she made it through the last round she'll make it through this one. The day came for her surgery, and I left school early to go be with her, family and friends. Everything went great, no complications. Then her Oncologist told her she needed Chemotherapy. My Aunt just went through chemo, and had her last treatment around the time my mom had her 1st and only. The next fews days after the treatment didn't go so well, she was having stomach problems and thats as great as detail I'm going to get into. Within the next week she got a little better, but then Saturday the 9th of October she started running a fever. Didn't think much of it till the next morning when she woke up with the worst pain below her stomach ever, and could't stay out of the bathroom. My dad and I ran her to the hospital. They took her into the ER then admitted her, to spend the night and run some test. Around 7pm on Sunday me and my dad went home, to get some rest, and plus she wanted us to go. That night around 11:30 she coded for the 1st time. We all ran out the door and sped down the highway to the hospital. When we got there they wouldn't let us see her right away. After about 45 minutes she coded again. My dad, sister, sister's boyfriend, Grandpa, and I lost it. We got and a circle and prayed all we could. We couldn't understand why this was happening. Then more family and friends started to show up. By this time my mom became unresponsive. We were able to see her, but doctors were trying to prepare us for the worst. Right before the sun rose, they needed to put a breathing tube in. My dad lost it again, I went up and hugged him and quoted Batman "The night is darkest just before the dawn." Sadly the dawn never came for us. And around 9:30-10ish she coded again. While i was right outside the room. I will never forget the nurses screaming they need help, the machines whining, and my dad's face as he looked into the room. I just ran to the waiting room, as I was coming up to it, they came on the intercom announcing the code blue in room 402, her room. Everyone started crying, and I just fell into a chair and started balling. She coded one more time after that, then the nurses and doctors had to ask us the hardest question of all. They said that she will just keep coding, if we don't "pull the plug." We agreed because we knew she was no longer with us, on that bed in there connected to 18 different tubes and hoses is just the shell that my mom's wonderful spirit was no longer trapped it. She's home now, and theres not a second that goes by when I don't think about her. I miss her so much. I know life will get better, because there's no getting worse than this. Now you know the story, this blog is going to be my way of expressing myself, and for anybody that is reading this that knows me, this is the best way for me to do so.