I Just Don't Know...

It's been over 8 months since my mom past away, it seems like just yesterday I was running away from her ICU room hearing the 3rd code blue announcement on the intercom. I feel so numb.. it's like after that what could hurt me, the only reason I think I am still here on this Earth today is to grow up living this messed up life. I made a life changing decision in the past month I now hope to become an oncologist, cancer doctor, to cure others of what stole my best friend. I am a Christian and I believe God has a plan for everyone and we think we make our own decisions but really it's either him or the devil putting the ideas in our heads. So God will pull me to whatever he wants me to do with my life. This past week has been a pretty dramatic/emotional week. What was going to be a great vacation to Panama City Beach turned out to be a nightmare. I won't go into much detail, but it ended with me having no respect for my father, and him kicking my sister (19) and her boyfriend (21) out of the house. I have said it multiple times and I will say it again, I wish it was my dad who past away and my mom stayed here with me. I was so much closer to my mom then my dad and by the looks of things its going to stay that way. I just wish something in my life would go right, would turn out okay, and make me happy. I feel like I'm living in some drama/comedy/depressing movie... I feel like running away from it all but I know thats never the answer to things, darn logic.